Jokes from the Northwoods.

Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely, he grumbled: "Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!

His teacher told Ole's son that he appeared to have musical ability, so Ole and Lena bought him a shoe horn.


Ole and Lars went Ice Fishing last winter.  It took them over 3 hours just to dig out enough ice to get their boat into the water.


Ole wore both of his winter jackets when he painted his house last July.  The directions on the can said "put on two coats".


Ole and Lena went to the big city.  They decided to buy tickets to the Ballet.  After watching for about 30 minutes, Ole leaned over to Lena and remarked "I don't understant vhy dey are dancink on der tippy tose.  Why don't dey yust get taller dancers?"


Ole hitchhiked to Chicago.  The sewage truck driver let him off just outside of town.  Ole hailed a taxi and asked the driver: "DUSS DISS CAB GO TO DA LOOP?"  "No," replied the driver. "It goes BEEP BEEP BEEP".


Ole bought Lars a small bag of M&M's for his 40th birthday.  After about a week, he visited Lars again and noticed the bag of M&M's was still almost full.  Feeling snubbed, he asked Lars why he had only eaten a few of the M&M's.  Lars replied; "Dere too hart to peel"


Lars:  "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are vorking".  Ole:  "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...."